He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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