My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I will be naked everywhere
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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