Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
