so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
