Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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