wrigley field is MILF paradise
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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