yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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