all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
