a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
