had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
