I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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