Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
