we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
