I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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