In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
