I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
