I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
