So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
