Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
