Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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