Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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