If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
