You made me cry and you don't even care
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
