I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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