That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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