if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
