i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
