I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
