I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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