Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is wine microwaveable?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
