Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
