Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
