i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
