And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
