NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
