I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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