I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
