I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
