The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
