I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
