quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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