fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
