Where is the hickey?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
