my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
