AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
