Banned from zoo.
Again?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
