i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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