I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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