U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
