Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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