GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
