Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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