you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you traded sex for a burrito?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
