Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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