I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
