how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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