I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
