you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
