Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
