the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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