This girl is more easily done than said...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
