i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want to make out with him forever
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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