I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
