I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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