Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
