nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
why is half of my head shaved?
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