Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
