Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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