No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
