At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
