Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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